Stellas + reggae + random encounters

i went to Johnny D's last night. last week i worked 74 hours and so far this week i'm on hour 60. so as i drove to target yesterday to get some things, i was listening to this jamaican radio show from newton. they said that massakre was going to be a johnny d's. since it can almost be considered my neighborhood joint, i decided to go there for a beer and some reggae. i was hoping for darkness, annonymity and good music. what was i thinking? a woman does not go to a bar with a substantial number of black caribbean men and leaves unscathed. it was ok, but i really just wanted to be alone. there was this nice kenyan accountant from virginia who is here for a job interview and chatted with me for a while. that was towards the end of the night. then i ran into old acquaintances--Kevin and Trip. it was weird becuase although i thought of them when i realized it was Dub Station, the same band that played when they dj'd, i didn't expect to find them there. so we chatted for a bit then i retrieved back to my corner. towards the end of the night we were laughing because i had mentioned that i was trying to be as unnoticed as possible, and they were like, "so your corner was good, uh? although you got cornered there towards the end--the kenyan guy." i said good night and walked home. two Stellas later and a good reggae fix was good enough. i went to bed at 2amish to wake up at 7am because our program evaluator was visiting our church today and i was to host her. i also was supposed to meet up with the guy i mentioned a while back that asked me out for a drink . it's taken forever to schedule this because i'm never available--especially with the last two weeks of hell i've lived. i'm at the point where i don't want to go but i feel it would be rude after i said yes. plus, my friend Yaja would not let it down. she's the "if you don't meet people outside church, you'll always be single." i think some people are more bothered by me being single and i do myself. but that's another story. :)

i am such a hopeless romantic

someone just asked me to take a look at their wedding vows to see if they were right. i gave my input which i thought was honest. the paragraph had a lot of work in it but i don't know that it had a lot of dreams or romance. maybe because i imagine me writing a bit more poetic vows... anyway, the point is not to dissect the vows, it's more the asking of it. i'm not particularly close to this person. i'm not even invited to the wedding. but sharing such an intimate and important thing with others is something i don't know if i'd do. i would want my fiance to be the first one to hear them. i would want him to be my accomplice in that promise and share that bond. it's our special, "secret" mission and those are the rules of engagement for our walk together as we set to achieve happiness, intimacy, completion. maybe i'm just to much of a romantic but i'd love to whisper my vows to him first prior to anyone else. it's a promise between the two of us acknowledge by the witnesses there, but at the end of the day, the people at the wedding do not matter as much as the fact that we both are committing our lives to each other though this public promise. if the vows were shouted off while standing on sand dunes in the middle of the dessert with no one around, they would have as much validity as if there were said in the middle of the National Mall during the million-man march. sorry, i digress. i touched that she trusted me to be including, along with her best friend, to review this but at the same time, to me it loses an element of magic, of mischievous intimacy. i think i'm just a hopeless romantic who would rather have grammatically incorrect vows but untouched by others. or maybe i'm just very arrogant and self-centered thinking that i'd be able to write such important words without any guidance or advice. in any event, i wonder what i would write? i guess i won't know until i meet ther person that makes me feel like i would want to promise to live the rest of my life with them. i wouldn't be able to write them now, not because i can't imagine it but because my vows would have to be the essence of what my partner makes me feel. no?

OMG! OMG! I got my letter....

i can't wait to read it... so excited! i love my friend Jose's letters. it's been more than 5 years since i got one of his letters. he lives in Puerto Rico and we have been writing back and forth intermitently over the years. i love letter writing. it's a lost art form. i'm so excited!!!!

when it rains... :D

today has been a prolific day for my blogging life. i think that just means i need extra "outletting." anyway, i just have to write this before i forget.

so. this morning i woke up earlier than expected--i've been asking God to wake me up to pray but i up drooling back to bed before even trying to. i got ready. rushed to iron my clothes and choose what to wear like 3 times before going back to the initial outfit i picked. i had a zipcar reservation to go to the Adventista church where i believe i left our projector's power cable after a training i gave two weeks ago. mind you, that one of our projectors got lost and it may have something to do with the fact that i left it on a desk rather than the drawer and someone may have taken it. so i rush to get to my zipcar by 9am; didn't even get a chance to listen to my dear BBC news in the process. as i walk out the door and two houses down i realize that i do not have my wallet, which in turn means that i do not have my zipcard to open the zipcar which means my reservation was a total waste of time and money (they would not reimburse me since my time to cancel was 5:39am and it was already 9:10am). sigh. i decide to head back home. log into my email. get the phone number for the lady that was going to open the church door and tell her i am not going to make it. to make matters more intersting, my train pass was also in my wallet so now i wasn't sure how i was going to get on the train since i never carry cash with me. lucky me though! i had left over money from a failed dominican sandwich brunch in JP on Sunday. i had $3. plenty of dough for my T ride and the silver line transfer i need to get to work.

i get on the train. minding my own business. people start coming in after Harvard including this older guy with what appears to be the worst case of some rash, psoriasis, eczema, or something. he decides to move to my side of the car. not only did he move to my side but he is immediately surgically attached to the pole by which i'm standing. as i try to practice my chinese characters, minding my own fudging business, this gentleman keeps--in what seemed inadvertently--moving closer and closer to me; like 3-inch distance sorta deal. immediately the mental battle begins. "if he touches me, is that thing contagious?" "even if it isn't contagious, it's just gross." "what if it is an STD of sorts? nah... pull yourself together woman!" and the guy keeps getting closer to the point that now the pen i'm holding almost touches the back of his arm. i was so uncomfortable that one stop before my stop i moved to the other side of the car pretending that I was just getting ready to exit. i felt this weird mix of guilt and relief. then i got to the bus and things went relatively smoothly there.

i worked all day until about 11pm. finally i decided to go home. Hna. Blanca that cleans the office said that she's going to put a broom behind the door so that people start leaving the office by 6pm. she's funny. anyway. i left the office. then i realized the other major mistake of the day. i was wearing kaki pants with sandals. had a thin cotton, long-sleeve top with no jacket, and no umbrella. it was pouring. but what the heck! i'm tropical. rain doesn't bother me, specially on a nice spring night. yeah, right. as i walked to the bus stop i started to reconsider. i waited for the bus. got on the bus to park st. got on the red line with my semi-wet self. got off the red line. came up the escalator. realized it was raining even harder in cambridge and proceed to enjoy my walk home. i tried to reminisce about the aguaceros in the DR when i'd play in the rain with my brother and neighbors. those were the days. refreshing rain in a warm tropical weather laughing with the other kids and running around the house stopping under every caño we saw. i smiled. then it got windy, and i looked like a fool. finally, i made it home. safe and sound. ready for a hot shower, glass of milk and my bed. yes! home... home without a key. yes... home without entry. luckily, i had not forgotten my cell home today. i called one of my housemates and she opened the door for me. i was dripping with rain, cold rain. that's when i realized that i'd probably will not attempt to bathe in the rain in new england ever again. tomorrow, i'll make sure to bring my umbrella...

the journey

people say the journey is more important than the destination. i am certainly a believer of that. for the past two years i started a journey from where i feel there's no turning back. there have been many days of trials and challenges, however, in the end it's all worth it. living in a culture where you have to plan and execute to the nth degree in order to be sucessful, the fact that you are doing everything that seems opposite to that can lead to insanity. however, i am happy with that. i am happy where i am and where i'm going. i face the struggles and everyday battles with the conviction that my destination is secure and that the journey, although sometimes excrutiating, is one worth taking.

i have had to face a series of pressures these past weeks and feel that there are many more to come. it's a weird feeling to sense that you're very close to your limit, but at the same time, be so sure that your limit is not truly defined yet. there's internal pressure, external pressure, up-side-down pressure but it's all good.

today a wise, older woman told me i need to go through more experiences in life. i agree. this is just part of that. i am still growing. i can work with that. i smile and move forward. i'm at piece even if i'm gasping for air. it's all about the journey. plus, i'mnot the one driving. :)

caution: venting...

i am a pretty upset right now. well, actually, it's not upset, more than feeling the need to confront someone. it's very frustrating. i hate when people wants transparency, clarity and truth but do not see when they are not abiding by those themselves. i just don't like when people use back doors to get what they want.

there's a group i am part of the leadership for and for a couple of months we have been having some tension due to a particular person's leadership style. the person decided to step back--"take a break"--for a while and the rest of the leadership team has been carrying on without this person just fine. actually, we work really well together now. however, this person keeps planning events and using the group's mailing list as the audience to these events. needless to say, the members of the group still believe that: 1. this person is still part of the leadership--the person was pretty adamant to making it public that he/she is not actively leading the group; and 2. they go through this person when they have event ideas, or suggestions , etc. to me this is very frustrating because this person is not abiding by the original decision that he/she made in terms of taking a break from the group, but also, it's like there are these weird competing schedules. i want what's best for the group so if i go to be events and try to support the a sense of community. however, this person is just being childish and not submitting to the leadership's authority. what really irked me today is that while everyone was talking and the topic of planning a mission's trip for the group came up. mind you, i was the only member of the leadership team left. someone asked, "so who are the leaders of the group, you two?" and i was totally put on the spot. do i tell them, no, this person isn't, it's just so and so, and, so and so? if i had done that i fear that it would have opened a can of worms with people asking questions, etc. so i mentioned the leadership team's names and left it at that. however, i didn't clarify if the other person was or not. after that, i left. i didn't really feel like going to the activity to begin with and was planning to leave early but after that, i know that my mind was going to be somewhere else and i'd be blocking everything anyone said.

i walked home from Copley to Central Square and took the train the rest of the way. i just feel very disappointed that this person keeps trying to show the world that he/she has a leadership role in the group. if you want to lead it so much, why make the decision to leave? if you want the well being of the group why keep trying to have parallel agendas? ahhhhhhhhhh! i just don't get it. i like things to be transparent; i like things to be clear. call me anal but if i had been in that position, if someone had asked if i lead something that i know i don't, i would have just clarified it right then and there. but no, instead this person starts talking as to how the calendar for the group needs to include this and that, etc. this is too much. i just feel sad and disappointed with this. it makes me not want to be part of a group where someone's need to be involved, and their clear emotional need for others to be around rules the way we have to engage. i don't know what to do and hope that God reveals to me where i need to change and/or how i can get be receptive to something i'm not seeing/understanding. i hate this! i really do!

All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes to make it possible.

T.E. Lawrence

月の恋人が始めた！

ときめきするよ！木村拓哉の新しいドラマ大好き。第１話がすごかった。△関係になるかどうかまだ分からないけどもう好きだ。彼がシュメイとハグをしながら、彼女に恨んでもいい、許さなくてもいい。。。お前が欲しい。俺がお前が欲しいんだっ言ってた。見るのを凄く楽しかった。さすがだね。毎週、月曜日に見えるけどあたしにとって毎日にすればいいのよ。でも大丈夫、あまり時間がないから毎週のほうか楽だ。楽しみにしている。面白そ名ドラマ見える。

I'm sure the guys at Porter Exchange would appreciate this...

the Latinos who work at the very last stall in the Porter Exchange Japanese foodcourt always have bachatas on. I guess this would be a more acceptable one. Wonder if I should make a copy.

the video is pretty cool. i love the beginning. the end is great but a bit stereotypical with the flying, etc. the dancing is a bit modern/dancing, etc.

the [letters] are coming, the [letters] are coming...

well, it's one letter actually. but still it's pretty exciting. my friend Jose who is from Puerto Rico emailed asking for my mailing address. apparently he has a letter to send me, which according to him he wrote a while back. i love his letters! they're so poetic and so funny at the same time. he definitely has a gift for writing and the fact that he takes time to write a letter to me in a time where penmanship and handwritten correspondence has been lost, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. he he... now i can't live with the anticipation and check my mailbox pretty much every day so see if it's here--i usually don't check my mail consistently. i love getting letters and stuff, it makes me feel like i'm being transported back in time. can't wait!

arrrrrggggggghhhhhhhh.... what to do?

do i go on this date, or do i not? i already said i would and we have been trying to schedule a time to go for a 'drink' for like two weeks. at this point, i don't know that i want to go. what's a person to do? arrrgggghhhh......!

julieta venegas tribute...

i went to Clandestino on friday and it was pretty fun. ms. chiang came along and we had a grand time, at least i think so. i felt the music was ok. the band wasn't that great but given that my companhera was so much fun i didn't mind. it's an interesting crowd and some people are friendly; other people not so much. anyway, i had fun. i saw that dominican guy whose party i went to with Ivie. it was an interesting party. not sure that i would go again. anyway, he looked familiar so i think it was him. i hope we can go again and laugh some more. for some reason whenever we are together [ms.chiang and moi] we laugh quite a bit. that silly woman; making me lose my seriedad. :P