この道や

ゆく人なしに

秋の暮れ

芭蕉

Manu Chau tribute? or insult?

last night we went to Clandestino for a Manu Chau tribute night. it wasn't that good. first of all, finding parking in Central Square is a hassle. then after about a half hour of searching up and down--even Green St. garage was full--all i had to say was, "Lord, please give me a parking space!" and literally, 10 seconds later, I see a perfect, free spot. Isn't my God amazing? So... i had to wait in line about 30-45 mins in the cold while my friends were all inside. i should have gotten there earlier but who gets a to a venue before 9:30pm. it's ridiculous. i met this girl Norwegian-American who had just come from surfing in Costa Rica for two months and had gone to Middlebury for grad school in Spanish. Midd is such a small school but pretty spread. it was funny. we talked for a while and then once in we went separate ways. she didn't come across as too genuine but she was nice enough to chat with while in line. :D i finally made it in and foun Ivi, Rolis, Ivi's 5 girlfriends, Pablo--Pedro's friend, Pedro, Osvaldo and Eliza + two girlfriends. It was an interesting bunch of people all of whom didn't necessarily know each other but came together through one particular friend, etc. i love those kind of random composition groups.

the tribute to Manu Chau was not good. the band wasn't bad, bad per se but it's not their thing it seems. the Turkish trombone player was sexy. Eliza was there with two other girls. they would not stop kissing throughout the whole night. it's not the fact that they were a lesbian couple that may it a bit uneasy but that any time you'd look their way, they'd be in each other's faces. it was hilarious.

after the thing was over we went to Pinocchio's in Harvard Square. that place is crazy on the weekends after 1am. all the college kids go there for pizza and they're all drunk. what a sight! the future power brokers of American. he he. I gave a ride to Ivi & Rolis to their respective places. i got to drive in the rain at 3am while listening to Yael Naim. it was pretty nice. no one in the streets--hardly--and the music blasting. i wish i could do that more often.

se ha confundido el cielo y en Octubre le ha dado por nevar...

mi cámara solo pide un poco más de otoño. hace una semana fuimos a las montañas blancas en New Hampshire. la pasamos bien con mucha risa, friito y mucho color.

God works in mysterious ways indeed...

the last couple of days have been quite tumultuous for me. i found an excerpt from something that my father had written published in a blog from his hometown so i proceeded to email the gentleman in charge of the blog to ask him for the title of the book, etc. he turned out to give me quite a bit of information on my father and also suggested i contact another gentleman there who apparently was quite close to him. the first gentleman, Mr. Mendez, sent me a poem that my father had written as well as other biographical blurbs that he had. i also wrote to the other friend, Dr. de Leon, and he just wrote me back today with the most amazing email. it was quite anecdotal and uplifting in a way i didn't expect.

going back a bit, Saturday I was quite sad because of my new findings, specifically the fact that my father could have suffered from a mental illness of sorts--which i speculate may have caused his demise. i woke up late and stayed in bed on my computer until about 7pm that night when i decided to join some friends for a gathering they had. it was a nice time of fellowship and good conversation. on Sunday, i was intent on surrendering my discomfort to God and just letting him heal that which was upsetting my heart. i went up to the pulpit and knelt down. my tears flowed rather copiously, and I was almost concerned that I'd look like a raccoon once i got up because my mascara must've been having quite a slide. by the way, i didn't look like a raccoon. the interesting thing is that while Pastor Roberto was speaking and ministering he said something to the effect of , "do not dwell in the past. do not ponder on what you had or didn't; lo que te quitaron o no te dieron, etc." this was pretty in tune with what i was feeling. then he said, "el tiempo de luto paso" says the Lord. that was quite liberating. God was speaking to my heart through the Pastor and was listening to my tears and anguish. i felt like i wasn't alone. how amazing, no?

i feel that my heart has been healed in a way i didn't expect. i am sad, yes, but it's not an unhealthy sadness. it's a sort of catharsis. i am looking forward to what will come from this and also to knowing more about who my father was. i feel like i'm getting to know him better as a person. to me that is more valuable, it's more real.

the search continues

It is close to 2am and I'm on the Internet looking for information about my father's writings. I do not know why I'm so determined to find his literary work even when I know how painful it is. I keep trying to find the things he wrote and get a glimpse of who he was as a person. It's not going to make a difference in my life, I don't think, but yet I feel the need to just get this chapter closed and the only way I think I can is by learning more about him to the point where I can say I can be at peace. This is so puzzling. I hope I do find something, or eventually visit his grave. I can't sort out my feelings well but I hope God heals this part of my history eventually. It's sad that I wasn't able to choose to know my father more. I was taken away and shielded from him in a way--either intentionally or not--and that has really impacted my life. I wish he were alive; I have so many questions.

surprise slow kiss

i'm craving one of those. the type of kiss that you don't really expect but that once you receive it, it just makes you want that moment to be frozen in time and stay like that forever. slow, tender, passionate yet gentle kinda kiss. the kiss where your lips are barely touching but every time they do it sends a bit of an electric shot to your stomach. a warm, long kiss. they're better in the fall, and even better if you're not expecting it.

mom

today is my mother's birthday. i called this morning--at about 8am--to wish her a happy birthday. for some reason as i spoke i started crying and she did too. i guess that some people have a secret code where they understand why others feel the way they do and one is not required to explain it. i feel very fortunate to have the mother i have. she has always been so caring and loves me with a love that i consider pretty unconditional. i remember when i was younger i used to not love my mother as much. i loved my grandmother blindly and my mom knew that. as i grew older those roles changed and i feel like my mother is one of those amazing beings that i will always love.

i remember when i was young and she used to bring me a candy after work, every single day. she would always have something for me. sometimes she would stop at the libreria (stationery store) and buy a trinket for me. she was a working single mother for the first 4 years of my life. my father lived in another city and they were not together. she always made sure i was taken care of. with school, she was always very mindful and helped me with homework even if she was tired from working in an office all day. she would help me with the homework and the next day I'd beam with joy because i knew that i had the best answers. when the teacher called on me to answer i was always on point. they all loved me. thanks to my mother i was always the teacher's pet, he he. i remember that the first day of school was really fun for me. mom would take me to the bookstore to get my books and then we'd buy book covers with the Looney Toones characters to cover them. we would spend most of the afternoon doing that. she would teach me how to do it and my books were always the bomb. those were the days.

my mom was a very hardworking woman, and still is. she always inspired me to do better and gave me the freedom + independence to make my own choices even at an early age. i am very grateful to God for the mother He gave me. i hope that when i become a mother one day i can be as good as my mother has been.

[sigh]...

i am in love with this man's smile. heck, with his smile, and the total sum of his parts. i can't stop watching his soap operas--i know, it's sad. i even want to learn Korean just to make sure i understand what he's saying. i regret not having been born a super hot Korean actress so that i can smooch with him and launch my master plan to chain him to me for like forever. life is so unfair.

usually my screen crushes just last about a month but i can't help loving Gong Yoo a bit longer than your average hearthrob. i just can't. he's currently doing he's military training with the Korean army. i hope it ends soon so that i can have a new drama to watch. :D