me and my big mouth...

someone in my office has this Chinese character on her neck:

obviously, I saw it and asked what it meant. she said it meant love. when she said that I knew I was in trouble. To me, it didn't look like "love". According to three dictionaries I just checked (two japanese and one chinese) it means wolf or severe/cruel. what am I going to do? I can't tell her; specially after she mentioned how she came up with the design for it. why do I open my mouth? why?

if John would listen a bit better, he would know that the only reason why he can stand and ask all those questions is because he is loved. i can so relate to this song and the underlying struggle that happens as you try to seek God. this is just a great piece.

by the way, he looks infinitely sexier singing about what matters. sigh.. oh, Legend how i drool for thee.

he never moved...

i just had like a 1/2 hour conversation with a friend about some heavy stuff.  this dear friend of mine is going through a number of things, and has gone through some of them for more than a year.  he just got a divorce after months of separation from his wife and for no real apparent reason.  needless to say, he has been a bit in the grey.  then his job for a major corporate financial firm is being moved to South America and he needs to decide what to do, if he stays in NYC or moves down south, etc.  i have been there for most of the process so we talk about it from time to time.

as we spoke he mentioned that because he has been away from God he feels that it's hard to pray for guidance and/or wisdom since he feels that he doesn't have the right.  why would God listen to him they've been part?  while i was talking to him i said something that as i think of it just makes me realize how amazing this God of mine is.  i told him that it is true, he can't expect to listen to God's voice as easily because it would be as if I went to a friend that i have not seen in ten years and without saying hello ask him to lend me $400,00 to pay for a new liver or some major crisis like that. from our human perspective that would make no sense.  so he was like, "exactly!"  why would He answer?  i responded by saying that God is not the problem, he is the problem.  as he walked father and farther way from God, He never moved. God didn't budge an inch.  he stayed right where he was facing our backs.  we are the problem.  likewise, to the measure that we moved away from God we have to then turn back and walk back towards him, and he is there right where He stayed.  God is always willing to embrace us; to forgive us; to love us.  He never moves.  His love never changes.  we, however, always sway and fail to see that only our side of the equation fluctuates; his doesn't.

this is what we see---forgive my ghetto "virtual" drawing: 
before   :::::::::::::::::::: me & God :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
after      :::me:::::::::::::::: & :::::::::::::::::::God::::::::::::::

 however, this is what God sees: 
before   :::::::::::::::::::::: me & God ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
after      :::::me::::::::::::::::: & God:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
after-after :::::::::::::::::::me & God:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

 i know this is not, like, wow, the latest theological discovery but i find it interesting that we always think of a equidistant gap between God and us when in reality the distance is from us away from him.  He is the point of reference in all and immutable. therefore, anyway that moves, does so towards Him or away from him. His love for us never changes.

i hope that my friend finds that reassuring and understands that God is always there for him.  i know that i totally love the fact that He is there for me, regardless of the pull/push dance i may have going on in life.  there's so much more to know about this God who chooses to patiently wait for my childish tantrums to be over so and turn back to him.  not because he needs me but because he loves me.  he just stays there,

A virtuous woman, who can find?  

For her worth is far above rubies.   

This past Saturday I went to a women's conference at my church.  It was great!  One, because I got to hang out with my mom, one on one, las dos solitas; and two, because the message was very encouraging to me.  The theme was around the virtuous wife in Proverbs 31.  Obviously, that doesn't really apply to me because I'm not married, but it is a model that I can implement and exercise now rather than when I get married.  I have a long standing connection with that passage which I think reflect a lot of my intentions and many actions in life. 

At one point, I was recruited for an interview with a State agency in Boston and decided to go.  As I prepared that morning, I was a bit anxious about the whole things, especially when my employer at the time was good friends and a contractor with that agency.  As a way to calm myself, I opened by Bible.  I chose at random within Proverbs because it's full of wise advice.  I am to Proverbs 31 and read it all. I even misread some parts, which I think was God speaking to me, that made me feel rather reassured.  I felt God was reassuring me and saying go boldly before for you have my backing and I will make you this virtuous woman. 


Regardless of marital status, I really, really want to be one of those virtuous women that I see around me.  Women who are bold and strong but coated with this peaceful, gentle, diligent spirit.  Women who know who they are and where God is taking them.  Women who face adversity with a rock-solid faith and give a word of counsel to those who need it.   I long to be wise to mentor others in the right path; to care for others in ways in order to meet my own needs but because out of my spiritual strength my hand stays steady and extended. 

I am so going to make a checklist from this and break the passage into tasks and/or concepts that I can apply in practical ways.  It sounds so geeky but I think it's a good idea; periodically I will see how I am molding my character to be a wise, virtuous woman.  When I get married, I want to give my husband the best of me that I can;  and support him in becoming a righteous man.  After learning what a marriage in God is, I can't help to think of what a wonderful journey it must be.  Not an easy journey in a bubble; but a careful, molding journey in a room full of bubbles, where you have to make sure that you burst them all with your actions.  :)  So silly, anyway, you get the point--I hope.  


I want to be a virtuous woman!  And at the risk of sounding arrogant I feel that I have pretty good raw materials to do so.  This older gentleman told me yesterday, "You seem like a woman who was born to be a mother and a wife; always industrious"  I'm not sure if I was born to be a mother or a wife but I know I was born to be a virtuous woman, and through God I will because His promise is to complete the work he started.   :D