today i've been thinking about how weird things related to your faith are and how diverse interpretations can be regarding it.  i went to meet with a group of pastors in my hometown to see if they would be interested in the program i work for.  to me, it was an utter disappointment.  the meeting was not as productive and in my eyes they are so stubborn and centered around their own culture that is just drain all energy out of me.  once again i am going to God to have one of those erratic conversations where i'm not mad but i'm confused at/with/for him.  this got me thinking... we classify things in our lives as personal, professional, spiritual, etc., etc.  however for me who you are is only one thing : faith.  everything else is just an expression of it.  that's in theory, of course.  in practice, i'm not sure since i haven't taken a close look at how i keep that claim valid across the board.  you'd think that pastors would think that way too.  however, when as the church we make a clear--borderline judgemental--distinction between us and them (the world, non-believers, other religions, denominations...), arent' we saying that there are aspects of our lives where faith is not operative?  where God is excluded from?  every time I pastor says that it is a problem of the world outside rather than the church it makes me want to ask, "what planet are you from?"  i understand that we can get so churchie that we lose touch with the ways in which the world operates but when we use our spiritual sub-culture as a crutch to keep shelter and justify our insular perspective, then i just think it's sad.  so i guess that after my meeting today, i am sad.   i'm sad because as an ethnic community we are not up to the challenge. i'm also sad because as a faith community we couldn't be farther.  i know that God can do it and i trust that he will do it but at moments like this i am left as an open target, defenseless to that which i cannot control.  however, it also makes me want to work harder to change that resistance and sense of comfort that people take refuge under thinking they'll get away with it. 

student depression: 0; super RA: 2

no of the students in my wing seemed to be a bit down all of the sudden.  she’s a really sweet, cute girl and usually smiley but lately she seems sad and her gaze is distant.  the shine in her eyes is gone. given that in japanese culture things are usually kept bottled up i was hesitant to ask her anything so i just asked her if she’s doing well, and at another time asked if she felt tired; little things like that.  she finally said that she wanted to talk to me.  thursday night at around 10pm she came to my room.  she sat down and started telling me how she felt. she wouldn’t stop crying--thank God i had a little packet of tissues.  she said she felt bad that she had not been a good wing leader--she’s one of two.  she felt incompetent for not having cared enough for her fellow students or not have gotten to known them more.  she had that japanese perfectionist mentality oozing off of her.  then she said that she was having a conflict with her former bff.  apparently, the friend said that she was not cheerful enough and didn’t appreciate her behavior.  that was affecting her to the point that she was not focusing on her studies and had a hard time going to bed on time, etc. etc.  i talked with her for about an hour and half and explained to her that she was doing a good job.  that she was a student and that was her number one priority and that being a wing leader was not defined by how people reacted to her but how she dealt with the things that mattered.  i mentioned that even i as an RA have a hard time getting all 28 girls on our floor to respond to me.  we then tackled the friend issue and advised her to talk it out with the girl. if the girl did not have a credible argument as to why they were having problems then (after having done everything possible to resolve things and continue the friendship) she would have to consider if that was a positive influence for her and if she wanted to devote so much time and energy to someone who was not appreciative of it.   finally, i helped her create a weekly calendar where we mapped out her whole week inlcuding classes and activities and study times.   she promised me that she would follow it and rather than studying in her room she would go to a public place where she would be forced to focus on the books rather than crying over what was bothering her.  

i checked in with on sunday and she said that the calendar was working very well for her.  (yay!!)  i was so happy.  today we had a conversation about a conflict that some girls are having and at that time i asked if things were well and she said that after speaking with me she felt very motivated and has been feeling much better.  i felt like i had hit a homerun.  it was so good to see her smiling again.  as we spoke, she mentioned this conflict between two roommates. one of them is sleeping in the lounge which is hindering other students’ usage of it.  so i talked to the previously-down-in-the-dumps wing leader and we came up with a plan to resolve the situation.  then i mentioned to her how this is a great opportunity for her because conflict is everywhere and everyone has some sort of conflict, so for her to be able to mediate this it will give her a great experience. there are four parties involved in this (the roommates, the wing leaders, students that complained, and students services--which includes the SS director and me).  it’s a complex situation so being in the middle and having to be the neutral party will give her a professional, personal and social experience.  somehow she ended up leaving very happy to be involved in this little chaos.  

the whole experience is just fascinating to me.  i’m in the middle of this conflict where everyone but me is japanese.  it’s interesting to see how culture plays a role in human interactions in general but there are certain skills that one can develop that can be useful irrespective of the cultural setting.  i think effective conflict resolution is one of them.  i wonder how things will end up but i am somewhat looking forward to seeing what happens, even if it will require some tension.  i’m also puzzled as to why i’m in the middle of all this.  i have this feeling that sometime from now i’ll be writing another blog entry and this will all connect to make sense of one big picture that i have tiny impressions of in my spirit.  this is another exciting adventure waiting to happy and it is undeniable that Master G is involved.   hmmm....  for now i’ll try to remember to pray for my students.  gosh being japanese is not easy. 

irony

i woke up late today and missed the shuttle to the train station.  as i usually do when that happens, i walked down to center st. to catch the bus to dudley square and then walk to work.  i like the walk because it takes me by jamaica pond and then all the pretty houses, mansion-looking houses around there.  it's a very pretty, peaceful walk speacially in the fall.  the winter... not so good, but not bad either.  as i walked down the jamaicaway i noticed a group of people part of what appeared to be a street cleaning crew.  as i walked past i noticed it was a van from the juvenile court or something similar.  so the group was doing community service as part of the court justice system.  i walked by and noticed that most of the members were young people; mostly black and possibly some latino--i didn't stop to question or anything.  what struck me as very ironic was the fact of where they were being brought to do their community service.  the jamaica pond area.  and not even the pond, but the area across the pond. they were cleaning the sidewalks and mid-street planters right by the big, pretty houses.  to me that was just idiotic.  if society wants to teach these kids a lesson; wants them to pay for whatever they did; allow them to reflect on what they have done and how that impacts their community... why bring them to affluent areas where i'm sure they do not live?

what is the point of community service? to give back to the community/society you have violated?  to be shamed into not doing it again because the consequences are you being publicly exposed while picking up garbage?  to have to pay up through forced service? i don't really know but why bring those kids to clean up for the "rich" people that live across from one of the most beautiful sites in the city.  people who live in those houses can afford to pay to clean their sidewalk? heck, they do!  i hardly see any garbage there. i don't have a problem with them.  i think pretty nice people live around there; so my beef it's not with them but with whoever decided to bring those kids there.  why not being them to a poor inner-city community that really needs some cleaning up?  why not let people that they probably know see them and shame them into not doing that again? why not show them the damage they cause to a community when they vandalize, get involved in gang activity, skip school to sit at a corner, or some other stereotypical stuff like that?  for some reason, i just thought that was very odd.  i don't know what really bother me about it but it just didn't make much sense.  it was just to ironic for me.

Happy New Year!

wow... it's 2011.  i have been thinking of Y2K the past a couple of days.  i remember i was coming from japan on december 23rd and supposed to leave for ecuador on December 28th.  i asked to delay my flight until about january 3rd in part to finish some paperwork and in part to avert any possible global catastrophe with the whole Y2K fiasco.  it's funny how most people do not remember the hype and scare of the time--people buying water like crazy and preparing ofr Armageddon.   :)

anyway, that's not what i wanted to focus on.  it's the new year!  i had a good NYE's celebration with friends and at church.  one of my friends wanted to have a dinner party at her church but she doesn't really cook so she asked to do it together.  i brought the plates/silverware and cooked part of it; she provided her house, kitchen, food and cooked most of it actually.  i was impressed since at was prepared to have it be a she hosts and i'm the cook kinda of gig. however, contrary to previous practice she came through.  it was a pretty low-key gathering--only six of us.  afterward, the church service was great.  when the pastor said, go to your families and pray and wait for the year together it always feels a bit weird because my family is not there. technically, they were doing the same thing just at another place.  i ran to the Naranjos since they're one of my adopted family folk.  they're a so cute! i just love those people. the funny thing is that as i stood with them my friend Euni came over to tell me that they were looking for me to stand with me--her mom, stepdad, husband and her.  i was touched that they thought of me.  it was so sweet. (thanks Eunie! i heart ya lots).  finally, it was all over and Saralicious drove me home. 

when i got home the NYE party for students was over and i helped clean up a bit. now as i sit on my bed, i'm pondering on this past year.  when i put it all on the balance, it was a good year.  God was faithful throughout the year and provided for my every need--well, most of them, some i'm still wondering why he's holding them back.  in any event, i'm very grateful for this year.  i worked hard and learned a lot professionally. i was taught great lessons in friendships and social dynamics--some pleasant, some not so pleasant.  i have developed new friendships and old ones have become a lot more relevant.  i've shared many joys with many people i love--friends, family, colleagues, strangers.  i hung out with my paternal siblings--meeting two of them for the first time.  i felt loved. i loved. i cried a lot, but i laughed a lot more. i was shown great lessons of faith and provision when i was 12hrs from being unemployed.  i embarked on a new adventure by moving out of my apartment to a japanese school where i live for free. he he...  i learned about my parent's lives and new aspects to their character.  i've seen many new flaws in my character and personality that i was not aware of; but have also noticed certain  positive changes in me as well. i have been blessed beyond measure and i feel like 2010 was a good year.  in fact, some could say even a great year.  as i look back i can't help but smile about it.  i can't help but think of how great 2011 will be.  i can't wait for the lessons to be learned and the changes to be had.  i don't have new year resolutions really but if i had one, it would be to love more those who love me, and to learn to show love to those who do not love me much.  i'm excited for what 2011 holds for me.  i praise you God for your goodness and for the fact that i get to rejoice at this time!