no of the students in my wing seemed to be a bit down all of the sudden. she’s a really sweet, cute girl and usually smiley but lately she seems sad and her gaze is distant. the shine in her eyes is gone. given that in japanese culture things are usually kept bottled up i was hesitant to ask her anything so i just asked her if she’s doing well, and at another time asked if she felt tired; little things like that. she finally said that she wanted to talk to me. thursday night at around 10pm she came to my room. she sat down and started telling me how she felt. she wouldn’t stop crying--thank God i had a little packet of tissues. she said she felt bad that she had not been a good wing leader--she’s one of two. she felt incompetent for not having cared enough for her fellow students or not have gotten to known them more. she had that japanese perfectionist mentality oozing off of her. then she said that she was having a conflict with her former bff. apparently, the friend said that she was not cheerful enough and didn’t appreciate her behavior. that was affecting her to the point that she was not focusing on her studies and had a hard time going to bed on time, etc. etc. i talked with her for about an hour and half and explained to her that she was doing a good job. that she was a student and that was her number one priority and that being a wing leader was not defined by how people reacted to her but how she dealt with the things that mattered. i mentioned that even i as an RA have a hard time getting all 28 girls on our floor to respond to me. we then tackled the friend issue and advised her to talk it out with the girl. if the girl did not have a credible argument as to why they were having problems then (after having done everything possible to resolve things and continue the friendship) she would have to consider if that was a positive influence for her and if she wanted to devote so much time and energy to someone who was not appreciative of it. finally, i helped her create a weekly calendar where we mapped out her whole week inlcuding classes and activities and study times. she promised me that she would follow it and rather than studying in her room she would go to a public place where she would be forced to focus on the books rather than crying over what was bothering her.
i checked in with on sunday and she said that the calendar was working very well for her. (yay!!) i was so happy. today we had a conversation about a conflict that some girls are having and at that time i asked if things were well and she said that after speaking with me she felt very motivated and has been feeling much better. i felt like i had hit a homerun. it was so good to see her smiling again. as we spoke, she mentioned this conflict between two roommates. one of them is sleeping in the lounge which is hindering other students’ usage of it. so i talked to the previously-down-in-the-dumps wing leader and we came up with a plan to resolve the situation. then i mentioned to her how this is a great opportunity for her because conflict is everywhere and everyone has some sort of conflict, so for her to be able to mediate this it will give her a great experience. there are four parties involved in this (the roommates, the wing leaders, students that complained, and students services--which includes the SS director and me). it’s a complex situation so being in the middle and having to be the neutral party will give her a professional, personal and social experience. somehow she ended up leaving very happy to be involved in this little chaos.
the whole experience is just fascinating to me. i’m in the middle of this conflict where everyone but me is japanese. it’s interesting to see how culture plays a role in human interactions in general but there are certain skills that one can develop that can be useful irrespective of the cultural setting. i think effective conflict resolution is one of them. i wonder how things will end up but i am somewhat looking forward to seeing what happens, even if it will require some tension. i’m also puzzled as to why i’m in the middle of all this. i have this feeling that sometime from now i’ll be writing another blog entry and this will all connect to make sense of one big picture that i have tiny impressions of in my spirit. this is another exciting adventure waiting to happy and it is undeniable that Master G is involved. hmmm.... for now i’ll try to remember to pray for my students. gosh being japanese is not easy.
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