I know, I know... It may sound like an exaggeration but I think this trip will have long-lasting ramifications for me. I’m not sure how but this trip will mark something in my life which I may or may not understand at the moment but I know it will do something. As I prepared to leave I started to get nervous. I’m not sure if it was because of having to pack, and/or waking up in the middle of the night thinking I was going to oversleep or what, but I was “sobresaltada”. I realized that my life was not necessarily what I want it to be and that I have to stop this prolonged quasi-adolescence that we have in the US and start living life in a way that show that I have made some progress. I feel like I’m such a baby compared to people in the DR; people my age and older who have very adult lives and behave like it.
If I can, I will live there again. I think I can manage it. I want to save some money and buy a piece of land in the campo—hopefully near Las Terrenas or something similar. I would love to retire there if possible. But then, thinking of my friend and her friend, most of their conversations revolved around money and/or people who had it. I do not want to live that way. I felt bad for them at times because they just seemed so lost. They seemed so focused on things of this world and at one point I realized that this is what grace is all about. The fact that God can extend grace to us even when we choose to be so far away from him and his things just makes it so worthwhile. I also realized that there’s really nothing I can do to change their hearts. God has o do that. However, I was frustrated because I wasn’t sure on what I could do to make the process easier. I was waiting for an opportunity, an opening of sorts but I never really go one. I don’t know what I should have done. I did talk to my friend a bit but that was while driving to breakfast; not very substantial. We the two nights I was there in the Jacuzzi gazing at the starts. The second night Ivan made this amazing baked pork loin with a Jack Daniel’s marinade and salad, all with French olive oil from his brother-in-law’s place there, and some pink salt from the Himalayan mountains. I was like, am I really in the DR? He also had some really good Riesling. We ate while watching Andrea Boccelli’s concert in Las Vegas on DVD. It was just exquisite.
I would love to live that life, focused on becoming rich and making myself known in with the people that matter so that I can achieve that goal. However, I can’t. I can’t just work for money. I have to work for something greater otherwise I feel like I’m not doing justice to the life I’ve been gifted. I don’t want my days to be an endless spiral of strategies to get money and then spend it, or save it. I want something more. Unfortunately, I don’t know that there’s more to life than this.
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