bachata and wine night

so i'm still not happy to with my little confusion. it seems as if my life is a bit of a mess now but it doesn't really feel that way. i have decided to ignore FB pictures when they come up (just decided though). it is not healthy to keep looking at things that make me feel weird. yes, weird. what else would you call when you feel jealousy towards someone you don't know for someone you have no romantic connection with for no apparent reason; just because someone seems to be having fun without me? i don't know. it sounds weird to me. the best thing is that i really have not felt this before. i didn't even feel this when he was getting married--he's no longer though, i'm not that sad. the uncomfortable thing about this is control. i thought everything was done and over with and now i have somewhat lost control over the situation. i mean i do have control, i guess. i could no longer talk to this person again and forget about the friendship i have with him. the other option is talking to this person to vent and get it out of my system. i know that i can never have a relationship with him so it's not like telling him would make a difference in terms of now.

on another topic i feel like my motivation is affected. not necessarily because of the aforementioned issue but just because. i need a break. a real break; not like my weekend in NYC which was somewhat draining; fun, but draining. yesterday at was trying to keep my hand still to see how my 'nervios' were and my hand pretty much never stopped. it was trembling--rather vigorously, i may add--and it was just sad. i am seeing some grey hairs too which were not there before. hmm... i think that this job i'm doing is definitely God's temporal call to my life, i just don't know that its rhythm is what He wants for me. i really don't. this is not healthy. i also have heart palpitations. i talk and do at 100 miles an hour and everything seems to be so fast that when something/someone slows down next to me i get annoyed. i want things quick and now. that's not normal, eh? i need a good vacation go next door to VT. i love VT. it would do me good. hopefully my car can make it there. today i had to call AAA to change my tire because the front right tire had a big nail in it. luckily the guy that came to change it was also able to fix the tire so i don't have to take it to the 'gomero' to get it fixed. God is good that way; providing me the change-and-fix-your-tire-right-then-and-there guy. he was Puerto Rican too and very latino-like in doing business--whatever that means. quite reassuring. :D