divine appointments

this weekend i went to a retreat with the young professionals at my church.  it's not your typical retreat because this group is a bit spiritually immature and our agenda is not as beefy as a regular retreat would be. there's a lot of socializing now in the group and that inevitably takes away from the spiritual part of it which should be the main point but in reality is secondary.  one of our leaders is very bend on community and that kinda drives the whole approach.  i like community but i'm also left wanting a lot more than that.  in any event, God always comes through and blesses us even if we don't even know what we're doing half the time.

at the retreat there was this guy who is friends with one of the members.  this guy was not a christian and if you see him on the street he is as thug-looking as any other cat out there.  he would take a break here and there to go smoke outside and spent most of the time listening to his ipod nano to very, very loud rap music.  the whole nine years (tupac, ludacris, 50, etc., etc.).  he even tried to play the music on the sound dock at the pool! at a spiritual retreat, mind you.  i kept bugging him to take off his earphones so that he could hear what people were saying to him.  the first night i went out for a walk and i think i saw him sitting under a tree.  it was dark so i don't know if it was him, for sure.  the last day i asked him if he had been sitting under a tree outside the first night and he said no, so maybe it was all part of "the plan".  i don't know why but i felt this need to have him integrated in the group.  i really wanted him to not feel left out and/or to feel that he was different from the rest, which i believe that he was not.  however, he was a guest and one with the tendency to be a quiet loner submerged in his music. by the way, he's a rapper wanna-be too, i guess.  i just really, really wanted him to be happy and smile, which he didn't do much. he has this tough exterior and somewhat defiant look but at the same time he comes across as very genuine and kind.  sometimes it seems as if  he's shy but i don't know.

i spent the weekend joking with him so much about his out earphone music that at one point i took his iPod away and gave him mine.  mine is newer so it was a fair trade and at least has some "holy" music.  silly me didn't realized that he had an iPhone also, so it made no difference.  the last day we had a small service at the house as an end to the retreat along with the small congregation that meets there to worship.  God blessed us with an amazing time and the Spirit just filled the place.  he felt uncomfortable and left.  Myra and i kept wanting him to come in so that we could pray with him but he wouldn't.  all of the sudden, this lady says that the Lord wants her to say that:  there is someone here who feels like they should not be here.  one who feels that they are not worthy to be here. that He [God] wants you here as much as anyone else.  that you belong here.  that he wants to know you just as much, etc., etc.  i gave up on the thought of praying for him and felt that God would reel him in in due time.  i went downstairs to get my bags since we were leaving soon and when i went to the foyer to put my bags by the door, what do i find?  i find this the lady, whose name now i now (Evelyn) speaking with him, praying for him and another older woman standing next to him.  he's face was to the door, and his back to me.   she was speaking/praying that God loved him, that He was looking to show him His love, and a number of other things.  this woman was truly anointed.  as i stood there with my hands "impuestas" towards him but not touching him, i just felt drawn to hug him; hug him really hard. for some reason i didn't, i hesitated because i didn't know him; because it would be weird to hug someone from behind when i don't even know them; because he was a strange male and it may be inappropriate;  for a number of silly reasons.  he seemed to have been crying because his hands appeared to be wiping tears away--since he wasn't facing me, i couldn't see.  a couple of minutes later, the anointed lady says, "you need to be hugged." and she hugs him very hard, while saying "this is a hug from God." at that moment i hugged him too.  we both hugged him and he cried.  she was praying for him and saying things that God put in her heart for him.  it was such an amazing moment.

after about 10 of minutes of intense hugging this guy--she did; i was intermittently hugging him and touching his shoulder--she then started a deliverance-ish prayer for God to break down barriers within him.  at that point she started pushing his hands and he moving backwards.  since i was behind him, i also was being pushed back.  there came a point where he couldn't resist anymore and he fell.  he fell right in my arms and i was in this state of shock/awe/pain/fear/joy/discomfort/etc./etc./etc.  here i am, crushed between a sharp, foyer shelf and full grown man who while not being fat is very heavy becuase although lean he's all muscle and that weighs. it was very uncomfortable because i couldn't just let him go; there was no room, and the lady was in his face--and by extension almost mine.  but also it just felt weird to have to have this stranger on me.  he literally was being supported by my body since i couldn't hold him with just my arms.  despite the discomfort i knew that God wanted to touch this guy's heart and mind. so i kept praying along with the two ladies with my hand on his heart and at her request one hand on his stomach.  this went one for what felt like 10-15, or maybe 20 minutes, who knows maybe even more. i don't know.  i was sweaty, ecstatic, pumped, scared; all at the same time.  she finished praying and we took him to a couch in at the entrance of the living room.  there, i said a short prayer to his spirit and left him on the couch.

after i had something to eat and he got up from the couch, we started talking about the whole thing. this other girl Anny was talking with us but she had no idea of what had happened so she was telling him how God could change his life, etc. but although a good message, it was not within the context.  asking him how he felt, he said that he left the room during he service because he was angry. that he took his bag and put it under the car and walked out because he felt that it wasn't for him.  that he didn't belong nor did he want to be there.  but then he came back and stood by the door because... well, he never told me why or i don't remember. i told him that he had to meet God half way.  that God wanted to love him, and that i knew that he wanted to love God back.  but that God was not going to force His way into his life if he didn't want to.  i mentioned that i didn't know him, that i could care less about him but that God had put love in my heart for him.  not because i liked him or because i was attracted to him.  to me he looked like a punk--yes, i called him a punk, just like that, which now i wonder what on earth possessed me to seriously say to someone that they look like a punk--but that God had put this love/burden for him in my heart and that now i understood why i wanted him to put his iPod away and listen; engage with the group; to smile and laugh with us.  he was looking me in the eye and listening, nodding and his eyes were all watery.  then he cried.  this one long, dense tear.  at that point i told him again, that God wanted to love him but that he had to meet him half way. i told him that God would deal with anything he needed to change step by step; that if he needed to quit smoking God would lead him to do so; or quit any other things that weren't right in his life.  the first step was to open his heart to Him.  that would be the first step to start the process. he listened.  i asked him if he had ever accepted Jesus into his heart and if he wanted to do it.  he nodded! he said yes!  and right then and there, at that house's front doorstep or semi-porch, whatever that's called,  and with rain falling on the rose bushes, he accepted Jesus as his Lord and Savior.  right then and there he became a son of God and a new person.  i told him that and we both smiled.  we stood there for a couple of minutes; silently.  i asked him if he wanted to tell everyone that and announce it to the group and he not yet.  Myra came shortly after and i asked him if i could tell her and he said yes.  i left them talking.   when i came back and Sarah behind me, he asked me with a smile on his face, "did you tell her?" so i did and we all congratulated him.  and i was just in awe God amazing grace and faithfulness.

i am convinced that i went to that retreat so that i could be part of this experience. not to make it happen, of course not, but to be part of it.  to be ministered to by this guy's experience.  to be humbled and to see myself reflected in him.  to see the power of a living God that goes to amazing lengths to let us know that he loves us like no other can.  i am convinced that this is another lesson for me which i have not completely understood and that as i told this guy, will have lots of truth coming out of it for a long time. just as i advised him, i am to mediate on it and allow for God to distill his knowledge, wisdom and grace over and over as i think of it.  seeing a soul come to God that way, it's just a joy that can't be explained.