Discipline...

In the past couple of months I have realized the need for discipline in my life.   Not discipline that comes from a need for perfection, but one from balance and honoring of God in all aspects of my life.  Part of it comes from my nature to want to be 120% perfect but I realize that that shouldn't be the motivation.  However, I feel that God has been speaking to me in a variety of ways towards consistency, discipline, acceptance of myself and perfection from Him rather than to Him. 

As part of the young adults group at church, we have been reading Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster. This book is totally amazing.  I had not really been reading the book for our discussions because frankly I was too caught up in stuff to do so.  However, I have started reading it in the past week and it is so revealing that I already have the feeling that God will transform my life through it and that I have to re-read it again.   Isn't it crazy when  you're reading a book and by the fourth chapter you already know that you have to re-read it because you know going though it once will not be enough?  I love it.  

I'm at the Discipline of Study chapter.  It explains how Study as defined by God, is to renew our minds and help it replace " old destructive habits of thought."  It's amazing how our mind can dictate our behavior, personality, perception of reality and truth, etc.   I love the definition that Foster gives here. 

Study is a specific kind of experience in which through careful attention to reality the mind is enabled to move in a certain direction.   Remember, the mind will always take on an offer conforming to the order upon which i concentrate. Perhaps to observe a tree of read a book.  We see it, feel it, understand it, draw conclusions from it.  And as we do, our thought processes take on an order conforming to the order in the tree or book.  When this is done with concentration, perception and repetition, ingrained habits of thought are formed.

I feel like I'm at such an amazing juncture in my life.  I have this mixture of joy and sadness but I can feel, literally, the joy winning over the sadness.   The sadness comes from a very human place where I realize my shortcomings and how inadequate I am.  At the same time, however, I can see God just working with all that and teaching me so many lessons.  I have probably learn so much about myself in the past two weeks than in the past year.  I have seen so much ugliness and dark places, which I didn't even know existed.  I am very grateful because He invest time to show me these things and to help me change them.  It also has infinitely helped me understand other people and where they are coming from.  How are are all coming from the same place with different manifestations of the same disease--at varying degrees sometimes, but the same disease. 

As I read the book, I have this hunger to just start doing, to start changing everything I know is wrong. I know I can't really do that but I know that God in his timing will do so much more that what I can do.   It's great!   It's a new day!  I can't wait to see what's in store.